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Socially Mobile

How on earth did we ever manage without mobile phones? This has been the dominant question in my mind of late. I personally resisted the temptation for longer than most, cowering behind the excuse that it would take over my life, however 18 months ago it became apparent that I was clearly out of touch with the modern world, and so I bowed down to peer pressure and purchased my first mobile. Suddenly I found myself embroiled in a world of continuous contact (signal permitting), receiving texts and calls at all times of the day, until suddenly I realised my ultimate fear: my life is no longer possible without it.

Modern mobile phones are capable of a whole host of tasks; the capacity to make a phone call is no longer the primary function of a mobile phone. Mobiles are now expected to be a camera, personal organiser, melody maker, calculator, and pocket watch to name but a few of their many functions, and some now even offer what can reasonably be considered as a poor imitation of the internet. Mobiles make communication possible in parts of the world that think a landline is a geo-political division, and have made our lives much more accessible to other people. Texting has become a crucial method of keeping in touch with people, however I feel it is an insincere means of communication. Saying I Love You becomes an exercise in bad spelling in order to save typing too many characters, which isn't quite on a par with standing underneath your chosen one's balcony, bathed in soft moonlight, reciting a sonata you penned earlier that day.

The problem with this dependency on mobiles only becomes apparent when we attempt life without one. Recently a friend of mine went abroad on holiday, with plans to keep in touch with people using her mobile phone. Shortly after arrival at the destination, the phone was stolen leaving her unable to contact anyone. This not only rendered her incommunicado for the duration of the holiday, worse still she was no longer in possession of anybody's phone number. After all who actually sits down and writes everybody's mobile number in a diary, especially given the frequency with which peoples numbers change today?

Many of the key annoyances associated with mobile phones, such as loud ring tones that attempt to sound vaguely like popular songs, and those inconsiderate callers with total disregard for their surroundings were exposed by Dom Jolly's show Trigger Happy TV with great success. The most selfish and absurd act of mobile phone usage I have witnessed occurred last year at a wedding I was attending. Picture the scene in your mind: the bride enters the church and turns to make her last nervous walk as a free woman, into the arms of her chosen man, when a shrill beeping interrupts the moment. At this point, members of the congregation feel a sense of embarrassment for the unfortunate soul who has forgotten to switch off his/her phone, and trust that said person will quickly cancel the call and rectify the situation. Alas this was not to be, and instead, said person decided to answer the call and have a conversation, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the bride was hovering half way up the aisle while he dealt with the urgent matter of where he was meeting his mate later on. There are no words acceptable in the house of God which fittingly describe said individual, so please feel free to insert your own into the story at this point.

I suspect it would be fair to say most people have done something embarrassing with their mobile, especially when drunk. I wonder how many people have woken up having sent alcohol-induced texts, or made drunken phone calls and felt an enormous sense of regret? Reading back through garbled attempts to confess your true feelings, or realising you called someone up at 3am for a chat, knowing full well they would be asleep is often a painful experience, especially when you are reminded of it at later date.

In truth the mobile phone companies control our very existence; it is no longer possible to make any kind of fixed arrangement with another human being under the age of retirement without the use of a mobile in some way. As mobiles get more advanced there will come a time when other lifestyle devices either become completely redundant, or else they are under the control of your mobile in some fashion. The only problem I can see with this relentless progression is that when it all gets too much for the average person, a mobile phone fails to provide the definitive fix, i.e. the cord to hang yourself with.

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