The Column

Attention-deficit Television

In 2007, Pierre Bayard, a French Literary Professor, released a book called How to Talk About Books that You Haven’t Read, which, as the title suggests, is a guide to bluffing your way through conversations about books you haven’t read. Ironically, I haven’t actually bothered to read Bayard’s work, preferring instead to rely on a newspaper article to inform me as to its content. It’s fair to say the title gives it away in this case, however the first rule of book-bluffing club must surely be don’t judge a book by its cover (and title), so I did a bit of research and am now able to talk about a book I’ve never read. Presumably, if five people each read a different newspaper article about the book, they could all proceed to have a conversation about it without any of them having actually read it.

Attention-deficit Television

This notion of lazy thinking brings me to modern television. There is a depressing trend for programmes to provide mid-show summaries of what has happened so far, along with regular flashes of what’s to come, in order to keep viewers’ attention. This style of editing has its origins in the USA, where they have up to 18 minutes of commercials in a one-hour show, and is symptomatic of the general dumbing-down of television. Rather than actually watch a programme, it is easier to just tune in at the end and watch the highlight reel and resulting conclusion, leaving one in no doubt as to what has happened, and indeed what must happen next. I term this Attention-deficit Television (AD TV).

I have always been a fan of the celebrity chef Gordon Ramsey, however I was particularly disappointed with the recent American version of his Kitchen Nightmares programme. The show is a succession of ‘look what’s coming up’ and ‘remember what’s just happened’ clips, implying that the audience can’t be trusted to remember for themselves what is actually taking place. I find it quite depressing that the viewers are assumed to be unable to pay attention to the show without these reminders. There is also the matter of the dramatic music which is used throughout the show; Jerry Bruckheimer would struggle to fit such tense scores into his explosive action films, let alone as a backing track to the incompetent activities of a failing chef in a dirty kitchen.

Kitchen Nightmares

Incidentally, the UK version of the show is not completely guilt-free of the above, however it is nowhere near as blatant at least. It is all the more surprising that the show is edited in such a manner, given the stark contrast to Gordon Ramsey’s personality. He demands 100% attention and concentration from the people he encounters in the show and does not suffer fools gladly. His public dressing down of Edwina Currie, on Hells’ Kitchen in 2004, will certainly be remembered as one of his most controversial pieces of presenting. Referring to her failure to pull her weight in the kitchen, Ramsey said “One minute you are shagging the Prime Minister and now you are trying to shag me from behind."

In spite of his foul-mouth, fierce temper and general tough image, Gordon Ramsey is a case study for effective management technique in the catering industry; he has retained 80% of his staff in over ten years of business, many of whom speak very highly of him, and his restaurants have won numerous Michelin Stars in the process. It is fair to say that the majority of people can look beyond his profanity, and instead appreciate his profundity. Although he seems to enjoy offending people and picking them to pieces, Ramsey is also blessed with a unique ability to highlight the key strengths of individuals and give them focus, which is the basic premise of the Kitchen Nightmares series.

Skegness

Critics have argued that there is a certain Jesus-complex about the show at times, where Ramsey seems to just turn up at one leper of a restaurant after another and solve all their problems. I attribute this to the formulaic nature of the show, combined with the fact that most restaurants experience the same basic problems, as opposed to any genuine attempt to mislead the audience. Ramsey won a libel case against the London Evening Standard in 2006 for allegations of gastronomic mendacity; basically implying the show was faked.

Ramsey recently announced that he would like to do a culinary makeover of an entire town; he also suggested it would most likely be a rundown seaside-town like Bognor or Skegness, much to the annoyance of the Mayor of Skegness. It is a bold statement to make, and I for one do not see it as a feasible concept. The problem with taking on a whole town is that you would have to consider what the townsfolk actually want. I am all for improving quality, but if the town in question is primarily populated with people who class tomato ketchup as a vegetable, and whose idea of eating out is chips in the back of a taxi after ten pints of lager, then nobody will care.

Spoof of AC/DC logo

Given modern editing techniques and the ever-expanding array of digital channels, it wouldn’t be difficult for two versions of a show such as Kitchen Nightmares to be broadcast. One version with the aforementioned reminder clips and one without. The two could be easily distinguished by having a separate channel for each e.g. Channel 4 and Channel 4 AD. Such a naming system already exists for HD (high definition) broadcasting, and hence raises the interesting prospect of Channel 4 AD HD – by night a series of shows in high-definition which include the audience reminder clips, and by day a channel for children whose parents give them too many fizzy drinks and not enough crayons.