The Column
My monthly rant about life, the universe, and everything in it
The Column #4
Release Date:
4th March 2004
Synopsis: The plight of man in modern society.
Fanfare of the Modern Man
Are you a man or a mouse? This question is asked of nearly every male at some stage of his life, often during his formative years as a boy. One must assume that a mouse is the opposite of a man for the statement to have any real significance, but how can we explain what a man is to young boys growing up today?
According to the famous poem IF by Rudyard Kipling, becoming a man is an extremely significant event in the male lifecycle, and one which is usually bestowed upon a boy by his own father, or father figure as the case may be in the majority of modern compound family situations. The trouble is, the traditional criteria used to determine what makes a man is out-dated and irrelevant in post-feminist society, so the Million Euro question is what defines a man in 21 st Century?
Man the protector and provider has become man the politically-correct house-husband. Modern man must be in touch with his emotions; not afraid to express joy when he receives good news, for example the incarceration of his mother-in-law, and not afraid to weep like a child when witnessing a sad event, such as when Goose's bludgeoned body surfaces from the waves in the film Top Gun. He is free to indulge in all manner of feminine pursuits such as manicures and massages without risk of being ridiculed by his peers, and in the case of David Beckham, can walk round in a dress and still retain his pride.
It could be said that a man is defined by the culture he exists in, hence being a man in a traditional Australian Aboriginal settlement meant surviving a Walkabout (a solitary journey through the wilderness taken as a voyage of self-discovery), and then fending off the onslaught of boatloads of British convicts, who come with the intent of building tower blocks and producing an endless stream of low grade soap operas. In stark contrast to this, being a man in contemporary Western society is simply about knowing when to cheer during a football match, how to microwave the previous night's take-away pizza, and when to compliment your significant other.
The harsh truth is that women have now taken centre stage in society; man has been moved to the sidelines (he may even be passively offside), and is now uncertain which direction to take. Many men are finding solace in traditionally female roles such as cooking and raising children, but whereas women are collectively striving for absolute equality, men are merely tentatively stumbling into the vacant kitchens left behind.
So the answer to the Million Euro question is quite simple really: Modern man IS a mouse, for he can most likely be found on the kitchen floor searching for discarded scraps left over by his mistress, and if he cries when you step on his tail, then he is obviously in touch with his emotions.