The Column

The Present Problem

Now that the festive season is well and truly over, I have begun the arduous task of returning and exchanging any unwanted gifts that I have been fortunate enough to receive. Although the previous statement echoes of the ungrateful whinings of a spoilt brat, I am in fact attempting to make the most of any gifts that I don't think I need, by swapping each one for something useful, instead of simply tossing it in a cupboard. The chances are that everyone has at least one gift in their cupboard that they have never used, apart from when it is dragged out to demonstrate that everyone has at least one gift in their cupboard that they have never used.

Having decided which gifts I was going to exchange this year, I set off to the shops yesterday, full of expectation about what wonderful things I was going to find in the sales. First stop was the Virgin Megastore to exchange a CD that I already have one copy of. I took it to the customer service counter and explained that, although I didn't have the receipt, it still had the Virgin price sticker on the front and the cellophane wrapping was intact, so it was obviously from that shop. After giving me a strange look, the assistant whispered something in the ear of his colleague and promptly disappeared for five minutes. He was checking that the CD wasn't one I had just picked up off the shelf! I eventually managed to swap it for something else once he realised I was innocent, however in the process I had been made to feel like a lowlife shoplifter, which stole all my enjoyment of the occasion.

After that debacle I decided to do a spot of window-shopping and collect my angry thoughts, before venturing on to Annexe to exchange two t-shirts. Luckily I had been given the receipt for these two items, and so foolishly expected the task to be slightly less problematic. The assistant was quite helpful, and suggested I try to find something to exchange the goods for, while he consulted his supervisor about the possibility of a refund in gift vouchers. After two laps of the store, I came to the conclusion that the only items of clothing that I would consider not using as toilet paper were vastly over-priced, and so decided to opt for the gift vouchers. Only to find that I would be paid the sum of £40 in the form of forty £1 vouchers, thus requiring me to get a carrier-bag to put them all in. At this point, I decided to go home in order to recover from my shopping ordeal. At home, as I passed the cupboard, I placed the carrier bag of vouchers inside, so that I know where they are when I need to demonstrate that everyone should have at least one gift in their cupboard that they have never used.

If this experience has taught me anything, it is that the easiest way to make life difficult for an irritating relative is to buy them something that you know they don't want, and then send them the receipt along with it.